Nov.
November
3rd
My dearest boy
I go back to the old habit of writing between breakfast & church-time though it's
such a shiver I can hardly steady my hand - After a regular Indian summer October –
as mild as June – it has suddenly so cold even I can hardly stand it – such wind
frost – & snow. – I’m sorry for the Ogilvies – Whom I have not heard of – & conclude they are still
taking their Cornish tour. Poor Miss
Emily will be perfectly perished. She said she hated cold. – For your
letter – which came yesterday – of course I expected a scolding about the magazine –
but it wasn’t a question of shillings at all – it was a question of time. – Nothing
short of an express train between Liverpool & Manchester
London
would
have done it at the time I discovered Robert Bowes’ absence. – It was one of those inevitable things which
people have to put up with – & I’m sure you haven’t had many such since you left.
The way I make all my arrangements dependent on mails has become so settled – that it
will be quite funny when that state of things is over. You will know by now that you
stay another year – perhaps you will not be sorry – spite of ants – & sanas – how
dreadful those sanas must be – is there no way of avoiding them? – They must
originate in “beasties" getting into the flesh. – It’s very bad – because it must
hinder you taking exercise – the very worst thing possible. Marian was in here when your letter
came – so I read it to her. She came to ask what your savage message had been – so I
hunted out the old letter & read it to her. – She defended herself
vigourously
vigorously
. – but I believe she is going to write herself – so
I need not say more. – I should like to know what are your “divers reasons" for
coming to England – &
whether you have any new hope about “settling” – which of course you won’t tell me. –
but will probably rush on your settling in a blind way – & more misery will come.
– Now my boy – don’t! – Just do the thing quietly deliberately & perseveringly –
make sure of your ground – your love is worth having – & many a girl would get
desperately fond of you. – But with Minna – Marian
– or Frances you never
will have the slightest chance – so don’t hope it. With the Dobells you might – I can’t say – but
still I doubt – You might try & see if Alice or Nora liked you or you them. – But
my strong impression putting everything together – seeing how very much you must have
been thrown together, & how extremely Mrs Ogilvie likes & respects
you, that in spite of all you say, there must have been some small sort of “kindness”
between you & Emily Bron.
– If there ever was, or there is the least likelihood of you liking her, or her
liking you – you had better tell me outright – & then I shall know my ground –
& get into no muddle. I am greatly inclined to like the lassie – but I’ll not
take to her if there’s any chance of her having been fond of you & you not
returning it or vice versa. – When there’s any doubt young people can’t be kept too
much out of one another’s way. – You see I am talking in a strange matter-of-fact
about your chances of marrying – but your first romantic days are gone by – you have
been in love – in a sort of way – three times. – the next will hardly be falling in
love – but the deliberate choice of a man who needs a wife & ought quietly to
look out for the woman who is most likely to love him & make him happy. – Which
choice would grow into a far deeper attachment than you have
ever yet had. – Think seriously about it. You are in a position to marry – it is
quite time you did – Only mind who you choose – & mind you set about it carefully
– I think, spite of all you say, & though I know you will indignantly scout the
idea, that you would do better to tell your sister first. – If you had told me about
the others – I am sure I could have saved you a great deal of misery – but when
people just go muddling on in the dark they are sure to make mistakes & do all
sorts of wrong things as doubtless I have done. – I can’t see anything either silly
or wrong in a man saying to either his mother or his sister – neither being quite a
fool – “I have a liking for such & such a girl – what do you think about her
& of my chance of getting her?” – And whatever you may say – women are far better
judges of women than ever men can be. – This is a long “preaching” – & I daresay
it will be all thrown away – but I take the chance. – Afternoon – I may as well go on
– having a solitary afternoon – save for a call from Henry Fisk – who talks as fine as
ever – & has a moustache tre-mendous – But he is an honest fellow – & works
hard for his wife and child: at teaching – painting at leisure pictures that seldom
sell – He told me he had had no holiday for three years. – George Craik & Mrs Craik – left me on Thursday
– it was a doleful parting – after living together for nearly ten months – The day
before he walked up to Hampstead – with his artificial leg – a stick & my arm – which
was a great achievement. – I had a “tea-&-turn out” – on Tuesday – 25 in all –
they filled the drawing room – & were very lively – Marstons
Singletons – Lovells – James’s – Lintons – Herford –
Harvey Smith &c. –
Harvey told me his mother
was getting quite well – he has taken her home – or rather to a boarding-house –
& she goes to see Carry &
Julia every day.
Ellen is at Brighton – Harvey looks bright & cheerful – He is a good lad – The other day
I went with George to
Mayall’s to get his photograph – a carte de visite – which
Mayall executed with great gusto & success. – He was very
benign & enquired most tenderly after “Ben”. His wife’s father is just
dead. – John is working close – so close that the fumes of ether
have made him ill – & he has been for weeks at a water-cure – He looks very
ghostly – with his black hair very wild & long. Mr Collins is the same as ever – &
asked after you. – I told Mayall you were prospering wonderfully
– at which he looked just a little disappointed & said he was delighted to hear
it! – he is a dreadful old humbug – that’s sure. He remarked how well I was looking!
– I having a wretched bad cold so that I could hardly keep my eyes open – &
begged me to come another day for a large Pho
Photograph
. – which I shan’t. – For the applications I get for my likeness in all
shapes are quite dreadful – the affectionate Public must just wait till I’m dead. –
The other day I was at the Lane’s at
Ladbrook Park – they
are doing capitally – a house constantly full – sometimes they sit down 80 to dinner.
The boys are growing up – & Lady
Drysdale
looks no older – & is as active & kind as ever. Minna & Marian go a good deal to Sudbrook. – the rectory now
extends from Pond St
to Richmond – so there’s no difficulty.
– My next excursion will be to see the Ogilvies there. – Frances & Jane walked in last Sunday – which
they have got rather a habit of doing. They are both remarkably well & merry. –
They have taken a house on Mornington Road, & are now busy “settling” – Living – for how
long? – they seem never to stay long anywhere. Their erratic habits have become quite
a proverb. – Laura Herford has
finished her drawing for the medal – & now waits to see if she has got it. If she
does – whatever will the Academy say! – But I wonder how she likes sitting & walking among
the rest as “a man & a brother.” I couldn’t endure it. – All the art in the world
would not make up for the dreadful unfeminizing of it –
Tuesday night – This was interrupted by Minna coming in – she stayed &
had tea with me – & then Laura came in & finished the evening. – so my Sunday was not
solitary as I expected – Yesterday I paid various calls – a Mrs Coventry Patmore who lives
next to the Bull & Bush – & who seems a nice woman – but so very unlike
Honoria – She is in a consumption though – poor thing. – I then
went on & called on Miss
Tennyson who had called on me – not, she observed because I was “noted”
– but because she understood I was “nice.” – A queer little ugly, sharp old-maidish
woman she is – I wasn’t very disinterested in returning her
call – as it was simply because she was Tennyson’s sister. She informed
me that “Alfred” had
been there the day before – as I hope I may catch him some day. – Today I went a long
walk with Marian – & we
settled a musical party that I am to give next week – the usual tea-& turn-out –
with part-singing. We counted about 18 – if they all say they will certainly sing the
ceiling off the drawing-room. – Minna also came after me today – I suppose they think I am dull after
the Craik’s leaving – which is not
untrue as one can’t have lived a domestic life for ten months without missing it when
one goes back to solitude. – I go out 3 evenings this week – to the Harpers, Lintons – & Lovells – but I’m not sure that I don’t
enjoy my evenings at home best. The piano is in beautiful tune – & sounds so much
better in the drawing-room – By the bye – you don’t give up Concertina – Mrs Ogilvie says you play on it
wonderfully – It will be so nice to hear it again. – I shall expect your commissions
by next mail – but it would always give more time if you sent them by the Trench mail
previous. – The ￡50 I shall keep – to replace what
Springfield had. –
I don’t see how you even ever take paper in your charge - or so more with him than is
now done. Indeed I am not afraid of him – I think he is rather afraid of me. – But
the kind of worry he is to me you would never understand. – The “little sticks” over
the way are keeping 5th: Nov
November
in grand style – crackers popping incessantly – What a long time it seems
since our 5th
Nov.
November
days! – I had a letter from Aunt Alicia today. Sylvia Wright is going out to
Bombay to
Syria – doubtless with the hope of being married – The Aunts have been making her
clothes – & are very good to her – Aunt Jane is living at Cheltenham – keeping Richard's house & quite
devoted to his children – When I go to Detmore at Christmas I shall walk in after them – but daren’t tell
them beforehand – as there would be sure to be some row about the Dobells. – but if I walk in after
Aunt Jane quite
promiscuous it will be all right. – The old Wrights are going to settle at Bath – thought of a house in Norfolk Buildings. – It’s
curious how they & the
Aunts have made it up – I wonder if they have an eye to “tin” – but it
won’t do – the income just goes from aunt to aunt – as they survive – & then it
will come to you & me. – At least so Aunt Eliza gave me to understand
once. But I think they are quite as likely to inter us both
precariously. – I was obliged to give up writing this morning -
I went to sleep over it! O, if only this book were done! – I know I shall never write
another – or not for many years. And I believe I could live quite comfortably without
– letting Wildwood in the
summer to make up. – if when you come home you will take papa. But I don’t see how you can take
when him in any other way that as I do – just paying his money once a month. It’s no
use attempting to love with him or control him: – he will be as his own book to the
end of the chapter. – I don’t see why you should scold me for being stingy over your
money & say “What’s the use of having a credit account” - &c &c – You
know, all the money you send me goes to the 3 per cents direct: – all your expenses I
pay myself: – to be sure the interest I receive of your capital helps
to cover it – but still at the year’s end – if I reckoned, you would generally owe me
something. I won’t spend any of your money unnecessarily – you will want it all by
& by. – especially if you think of settling. – And I shall want all mine - in
order that I may live without writing or without being dependent upon you. – I don’t
mean that we need stint ourselves of any reasonable luxuries – but still we have no
business to throw away money - & I don’t do it - however you scold –
Friday - I have now just to finish & post this with the Lloyds – of which you
can’t get tomorrow’s. I always take every pains that you should get the latest –
bendes I thought papa sent you lots of papers – I shall
get a Friday paper in Hampstead if I can – The
Lovell dinner last night was minus me – & so will be Mr
Linton’s party - as I have got a second cold - & am afraid of night
air. Somehow I am not sure that I don’t enjoy my own company better than most
people’s. I have a wonderful talent for solitude – at least unless I unless I can
have people’s company that I specially care for - which are few indeed. – It’s quite
curious how few - considering your accusations of old about
my liking every body. – I shall hope to hear of the Ogilvies soon - they were to let me
know when they came home. – & then I shall go out there to dine & sleep. – I
do hope that letter will say that you are better of your sanas – & generally
jolly
Goodbye my boy –
Ever your affec
affectionate
Sister.
Verselli is a clever man but after all with a sprain the only
thing is rest & nature. – It would be dreadful if anything made you lame – for
long together: - I’ve seen enough of that this year & the misery of it – to me
that is strong & active. – Oh do be careful – at first
I have nothing to tell – indeed since I wrote last night it wasn’t likely. – My
hey rector has been the stock brokers who – I wrote to consult
about how I should invest my legacy – & he advises guaranteed rectory shares 4 ½
per cent quite same. ￡500 in the
Cheeten & Holyhead & ￡400 in the Wilts & Somerset –
both guaranteed by the Lender & North Western & the Great
Western. – I thought this broker who is the same I have gone to these 12 years –
would be a safer plan to apply to than any “friend”. & it was
kind of him to take the trouble to come out to Hampstead about it – honest
man – Mr Lovell knows him.
So poor Minna’s
drate will give me ￡41
additional for Ana - & on the strength of it I am going to furnish the
drawing-room. Tho’ the only new thing I shall want will be a carpet – I have
gradually got together everything else. – except perhaps a chair. – certainly I have
the family of accumulating & keeping odds & ends – they always come in
somehow. I travelled over Scotland – with "Mr Mulock – Port
Philip on my own to the great perplexity of my friends.
First thought at first sight that it was you come home – &
that you would appear round a corner. She & Albert were so very pleased at
everything I could tell them about you & they fully expect you as soon as ever
you reappear in England. – I
am going to dine at Vale
Lodge – & shall take you this – & tell upon what Mr Lovell thinks of them - you
will approve of professional criticism, – much more than mine. –
Sunday night. 22. They could not have been admired more. The portraits of the
locomotives especially. I have
myself a great weakness for Peguemine. And the
tunnel completed - & the iron girders you walked across. –
The aloc also excited enthusiasm. – On the whole these have been
the most admired batch of Phos
Photographs
you ever sent. – Mr Hugh
Wilson writes me that he can’t send anything by Trench mail – so you
must wait another fortnight for your mags. You will however get plenty of newspapers
from papa. – Your Lloyds
have been sent regularly. – Mr Hugh
Wilson hopes politely that you will soon recover from your sprain – so
I am afraid the doctor’s report of it was rather serious. I shall be very anxious for
next mail & Mr Ogilvie. –
As soon as the Ogilvies are back
at Richmond I shall ask them
here. – I feel very anxious to see them: it was so provoking they left just as I came
home. However it is only curiosity deferred – they will “keep”. – & I shall have
the drawing room finished & pretty – & two pretty bed-rooms to put them in.
Mrs Earl declined papering
the drawing-room – but as it will cost little more than ￡2 – I mean to do it myself. – My pretty house is my one luxury &
delight & I don’t see why I shouldn’t treat myself to it. It will be very pretty.
– from top to bottom – I wonder what you will say to it. How I wish you were at home
to enjoy it - that is if you did enjoy it. – but I doubt if
you would. – However when you grow happy & prosperous things may be different. Oh
my boy – if I could only see you happy & settled! – You will find some changes in
Hampstead – the
Baptist Chapel on Heath St
– & a hoofering ice-establishment by
Jack Straws – That’s all! I doubt if there is any change in Sister – except that
people are beginning to discover how tremendously “young” I look for my age! – Which
implies I am really getting old. But I don’t care. – Today I had tea at the Marstons. Nelly looks quite strong &
well – the rest as usual. Mrs
Marston told me she really had made up her mind next year they must go & live abroad: – a great mercy. Rowland is married – a terrible
loss. – Now goodbye – do mind & not use your uncle too
soon.
Ever as affec
affectionate
sister
